Jaffa Girl
September 17th 2006 09:09
The other day I got a spray tan…I thought why not? ..I'm white, it's brown, I want to be brown…it seemed logical, and hey if bronzed is in and Hallie Berry is in, then Hallie Berry must be doing it, so, so should I. I- am- orange. Not orange as in "sun kissed" but orange as in everyone who sees me must feel like they are wearing orange tinted sun glasses. In fact I'm surprised I haven't heard mothers telling their children not to stare at that poor girl with the horrible skin condition, or that I haven't been locked up by the police for confusing traffic…so I ask, what I have been asking myself, over and over…WHY? I blame the magazines that show off celebrities with that oh so bronzed glow about them on one page, when I should flip over and see an exclusive article about their mystery black father on the next. These influence the C grade celebrities who turn out a little more orange…they're on the bottle that only costs a grand, and, well, the rest of us can get our bottle for twelve-ninety, or else a sixty dollar professional spray job- for the more flawless look. Well, I'm no cheap lass, however, I would have to say stripping down to my undies, which were violently wedged into my crack by a small Chinese lady who repeatedly yelled "armour" to me. After freaking out about not having any armour, and what I should do about not having any armour and why I even needed armour…was she going to challenge me to a dual? Her spray hose against my embarrassment? When she finally lifted my arm up…oh "arm up". So, even my arm pits are orange and you know what I'm proud of it…if it doesn't matter whether you're black or white, well orange should be A-ok too. I just wish those pale bitches would stop laughing at my "cheap tan"…It cost sixty bucks!
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