Boy Friend?
October 8th 2006 10:21
What a debate! There is no shortage of articles in magazines concerning the friendly friend debate. Is he…or isn't he…what is he? He's either the guy you wanted and he didn't want you, or you’re the girl of his dreams but you just don’t want to sleep in his bed...it's no ones fault, its just relationship wise its no-mans land, or is it? You hear stories from newly weds that happily begin, "well, we were friends at first and then one thing lead to another and…" The question is; are these boy friends or girl friends just lurking around waiting for their time? Or if you're one of them, are you just being kept on stand-by…or are you even being considered at all? Can guys and girls just be friends? The problem with opposite sex friendship is that a friend will satisfy most of the qualities one will look for in a partner. Someone easy to talk to, someone you have fun with, a person you want to spend time with… then comes that little attraction thing. One of you is attracted, but the unfelt reciprocation is made clear when she/he gives you a hug and a kiss on the cheek and says, "you’re the best friend ever", as they run off to their next "date"? I think attraction is the most unfair human instinct. Unfair because you may not be attracted to someone that likes you and the person you are attracted to couldn't care less because they're attracted to someone else, who is actually fond of…etc. I mean it’s a wonder the human species survives! The problem is, that at one stage or another each of us will be that friend…and this is not a bad thing "'cos you gotta have friends", and friends of the opposite sex are helpful in assisting with issues of attractiveness. You can easily find out what you do like through process of elimination of what you do not like. Also, testing theories and questions that are just not appropriate for your same sex friends can be a relief and let's not forget that party you don't have a date for… But one of you wants more and is attracted to you, and perhaps you are/or are not attracted to them or simply don't want a relationship at all/or with them…are you leading them on? The fine line between friend and friendlier is delicate and nearly always not definitive. Does a member of the opposite sex make a good friend, unless one of you is homosexual in which case the same rules apply, only for the same sex? If the friend is with you long enough, can attraction grow? Or will you always be the friend? I believe friends of the opposite sex (or same, depending on personal tastes) are great, but not necessarily good friends. I would highly recommend such a relationship but I believe that one must tread carefully as there will most probably be a sexual attraction on behalf of one of the parties (even if the other party is completely unaware of the fact) and this makes the "friendship" more vulnerable, and the likeliness of someone getting hurt just that little bit more likely. Sometimes that is a chance worth taking to have someone very special in your life, even if they're not your special.
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Comment by Will from across da road
Say you dont know a girl that well but she seems really nice and you are attracted to her. If you decided to ask her out and it didnt work out it probably wouldnt be considered a risk because your not losing a freindship as such. But you dont want to seem like your rushing into anything, and besides, is it weird to have a girlfreind that you barely know?
But if you wait and get to know her as freinds first, There is more on the line if a relationship doesnt work out. And theres always that possibility that you become close freinds and become less physically attracted to each other.
If only there was a right answer to these questions, guess you just gotta 'hit and hope' so to speak.
P.S. i have monday and tuesday off, lets go bowling.